2015: Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining

I’ve come a long way since this time last year, a very long way. The start of 2015 was rough for me, in fact I’d consider it the worst five months of my life. My mental health was the worst it had ever been, and I didn’t see a way out. I thought, “That’s it, I’m stuck like this forever now”. But you know what? I did find a way out, and I managed to turn things around completely – that’s what’s important here. I learned that every cloud has a silver lining after all, because I’ve just experienced what can only be described as the best six months of my life.  20151

2015 taught me a lot of things, and the most important thing I learned was how to get a grip on my anxiety. Last year I may not have been so happy about gaining weight, but now I’m so glad I did because I would never have started exercising without that happening. I’ve spent years and years trying to fix myself and I’m so grateful that I’ve finally found a way to do it. I very rarely need to take medication to calm myself down now, and I’m really proud of that.

20152This year I learned that who you surround yourself with is very important – it can make or break your day. I’m lucky enough to have spent the last six months with my housemates and neighbours (with occasional visits from my friends from home), and they never fail to put a smile on my face. Not once did I spend an evening cooped up in my room all alone, overthinking everything, because I had my friends by my side constantly. They’ll probably never understand what a positive impact they’ve had on my life, but I can’t thank them enough for just being there. Our incapability to go out as a group without everyone getting absolutely hammered is something I’ll laugh about forever!

I learned that just because you’re struggling does not m20156ean your failing, and that every great success requires some sort of struggle to get there. You’re going to have setbacks in life, be it in college, work or your personal life. But the things that are worth having don’t come easy, and it just makes you appreciate it that bit more once you get what you wanted.

Although 2015 taught me that you don’t need a guy hanging off your arm constantly, it also taught me that I’m not as tough as I thought I was. I learned that no matter how hard I try to avoid it, there are people that I will end up getting feelings for. Whether I like it or not it’s inevitably going to happen, but I’m going to try to stop looking at it as a bad thing. New motto for 2016: feelings are only bad when they’re for the wrong person/a shit cunt.

20153This summer taught me the importance of living life to the full and being spontaneous as hell. Nothing roars “spontaneity” like planning five last minute adventures to music festivals over the course of three months. I could have easily said “Five is too much” or “Maybe I’ll leave that one out” or “This is all too last minute” but I didn’t, I said fuck it and I went to all of them, and I had the time of my life. I don’t want to look back on my teenage years when I’m 40, thinking “I wish…” and I’m really glad that I made the most of my summer.

2015 taught me that I really do love my course. Earlier thi20155s year when my mental health was at its worst, I wanted nothing more than to just go home to my family. And if I was doing any other course, I would have packed it in and headed back to Belmullet. But I was finally doing something in life that I enjoyed, and there was no way I was giving it up and letting my anxiety win. I’m so, so glad that I didn’t leave college because as I said, this semester has been amazing. I’m so grateful to be studying a subject that I’m so interested in.

Crying about boys, laughing about green chicken, stressing about media law, eating way too much Chinese food… These last few months have been great. I can only hope that 2016 lives up to it, and I’m sure it will with the same gang of loonatics by my side. Wishing you all a happy new year, and if you take one thing from this post, let it be this – things will always get better.

Tight jeans, double D’s: The myth of big boobs

AA is non-existent, A is small, B is about a handful, C is on the larger side of average, D is big and DD is for porn stars, because that’s just huge, right? Wrong.

Ah, bra sizes. Confusing girls since the beginning of time and still continuing to do so, because we’re still so uneducated about proper sizing. Hearing the words “DD” will excite the boys and frightebra1n the girls, but is it even that big of a bra size? And is it really so uncommon?

Having “big boobs” is actually all relative to band size. The letter in your bra size isn’t necessarily how big your boobs are, it’s just the amount of inches between your band and overbust size. For example, somebody who’s a 32DD actually has the same cup size as someone who wears a 36C, likewise with 28F and 34D, which are actually a lot more common than you think.

bra-size

When you walk into any high street store, you’re conditioned into one way of thinking: A is the smallest bra size, and D is the biggest bra size. 32 is the smallest back size, and 38 is the biggest back size. These “core” sizes that we get are actually pretty uncommon when you think about it, because having an A-D cup means having 1-4 inches of a difference between your underbust and overbust. In reality, that’s not really that much.

So that’s us left thinking, if that’s all that’s available in high street stores then anything above a D must be enormous. But the bra sizing system was invented in 1932 (by a man) and it’s something that definitely needs to be looked at again. boobs

I only started thinking about this when I got measured a few weeks ago, and I gawked at the sales assistant in disbelief when she told me my correct size. I thought to myself, “There’s not a hope in hell that my boobs can be that big!” And they’re not really “that big” because my back size is pretty small, society has just been conditioned into thinking that the letter means your boobs are huge. If anything convinces you to get fitted let it be this, my back size was two sizes too big for me and my cup size was two or three sizes too small. Yep, that’s how wrong I was about my bra size.katieprice

The media play a huge role in our opinion of what “big boobs” are. When you’re told that Katie Price is a 32DD after her boob job, you think that of course that’s right because 32 is the smallest and DD is the biggest. But that’s wrong, and Big Cup Little Cup have estimated that she was actually a 26JJ. Christina Hendricks is allegedly a 38DD, when she’s really more like a 30H. And Katy Perry? She also claims to be a 32DD, but in reality she’d fit into a 28GG according to this website.

katyperrySo we’re all wearing the wrong size, because it’s more convenient than trying to find a needle in a haystack, or a 32DD in Penneys. And don’t even get me started on underwear models, that is not how your boobs are supposed to look in a bra. Anyone with the slightest bit of boob can tell you that there’s nothing comfortable about having them bulge out over the cups, and majority of these models are wearing the completely wrong size.

If you’re planning on getting measured after this you’ll probably be horrified and then maybe even pleasantly surprised at your new bra size – I know fifteen year old flat chested me was anyways. But remember that D+ doesn’t necessarily mean huge, and it’s a lot more common than you think. If your eyes have been warped by underwear models wearing the wrong sized bra, check out The Bra Band Project and have a look through the properly fitted sizes. It should help when you’re trying to figure out what size best fits you.

Getting over him, when he wasn’t even yours in the first place

Getting over someone can be a pain in the ass. We don’t want to do it, but we know that we have to. We can’t just sit around and be sad about some guy for the rest of our lives/semester – time is ticking and those 12 weeks of college fly by pretty quickly. It’s pretty commonplace in college, you’ve been “casually” seeing someone (see what this entails here) for a little while and then it all goes downhill, rapidly, sort of like a landslide. Maybe he went off with someone else, maybe he told you he didn’t like you, or maybe he just flat out ghosted you. I’m going to put my passive aggression away for this post, I promise.  get3

Whatever happened, you need to realise that it’s over now, life goes on and there’s no point sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself. Ask yourself, will it matter in ten years? The answer will probably be no, and if that’s the case, here’s a guide to getting over a guy that was never really yours in the first place.

Step one is to realise that there’s nothing wrong with you. Even if he didn’t hit you up with the age old “It’s not you, it’s me” thing, take it into your own hands to apply it to the situation. Maybe he just didn’t want a relationship, or maybe you just weren’t his cup of tea. That can be a hard one to swallow, but do you fall in love with every guy you come into contact with? Yeah, it’s probably the same for him. We all have our preferences, and you should never change yourself for anybody.

Step two is to avoid being a hermit. Stop lurking around your room all alone for the dget4ay, it’s not helping anyone. You should probably change out of your pyjamas too. Get out there and do something, even putting on a bit of makeup is going to help you feel better about yourself. Personally, I like to head to the gym to blow off steam. Nothing like sweating out your frustrations on a treadmill while listening to Taylor Swift remixes. No, I’m not crying, I’m just sweating I swear.

Step three is to get back in the game. Whatever was going on between you two wasn’t serious, so you can thank God that you don’t have to endure the guessing game of when is considered appropriate to move on. Go out with your friends, drink tequila, throw some eyes across the dancefloor to guys that look attractive now but won’t the next day. “Why did you let me shift him?” is always a nice distraction topic with the housemates…

And step four is for when you’re out and about and have overindulged in the three Jagerbombs for a tenner deal. Delete his number, block him on snapchat, break your phone, cut off your hands, whatever. Just please God, do not contact him when you’re drunk. You’re only going to get a bad response, or even worse, no response at alget5l. Before you know it you’re stumbling home, reply-less phone in hand and banging down your door because you’ve lost your keys. When the door is eventually opened by your sleepy housemate you’ll be roaring “I HATE ALL MALES!” and storming up the stairs to ball your eyes out crying. All because he didn’t reply, because it’s 3am and he was probably asleep. Avoid the hassle, don’t text him.

Step five is to apply an inspirational quote to the situation. I’m a big fan of this one, and I like to use “What will be, will be” on the regular, an example being when I’ve ordered pizza for the third time in one week. Anyways, never a failure, always a lesson is a firm favourite of mine when it comes to this shit. Everything happens for a reason, learn from what went wrong this time. You’ll probably realise exactly what you don’t want from a guy in the future.

And finally, step six is to stick to your guns. It could be smugweeks or it could be months, but you never know when they might chance their luck with you again. If it didn’t work out the first time, there’s a reason. And I promise you, waking up feeling smug because you turned them down is better than the sea of regret you’ll be swimming in if you go back to them. Even if you change your mind by the end of the night, when you mutter “I think I want to shift John” under your breath and your housemate has to drag you home by your hair, you still managed to keep away and that’s the main thing. Go you!

So buck up and move on Princess, you’re going to have to go through a lot of frogs before you find your Prince. Why waste your college years crying about boys that don’t like you?

When Feelings Made Me Crazy

So a couple of months ago I found myself in the worst position I could ever possibly be in – I actually liked someone. And it wasn’t the usual asshole that I’d find myself falling for either, he was a pretty nice guy. Yep, I fell for a nice guy. Anyways, back to the point. He was somebody I could have never seen myself with and not to mention the fact that this all happened very fucking randomly. So what happened? feelings1

I messed it up. With my constant overthinking and overanalysing and fretting about everything, I messed it up. People ask, “Did he like you?” Sure I dunno, and I never will know, because letting my feelings run wild got the better of me and I chickened out of whatever the hell we were doing. Nothing bad even happened, as I said, he wasn’t a dickhead. I think at one point he did one small, minor thing that made me think “Uh oh, what if he isn’t as genuine as he seems?” and I was like lol ok bye.

xFor someone who isn’t quick to develop feelings for anyone, this was a huge step in the opposite direction for me. A huge step that I had absolutely no idea how to handle, because this all happened so out of the blue. So what was going on? Well, being left vulnerable to getting hurt and dealing with these feelings drove me mad. I felt like I was going a bit crazy to be honest. I was overthinking everything and constantly worrying about messing things up, thanks anxiety. My moods were disastrous.

I just turned into a raging antichrist. If he didn’t text back I’d be such a moody cow. If he was online and didn’t reply? Well I was ready to take to the bed for the rest of the day. I’d be like “Right, fuck him so if he doesn’t want to talk to me” and what would happen? He’d reply in the next five minutes and I’d be happy as Larry again. But why is it always me texting first? Surely if he liked me he’d text me first? Oh never mind he text me first.

I got into this awful habit of questioning absolutely everything. But what does he MEAN? I’d read his texts twenty times over before finally coming up with a suitable reply. He’d leave me a sighkissy face and I’d be reeling. He’d kiss me goodbye and I’d fucking lose the plot altogether. I was always asking myself why is he doing this, why is he doing that and what does he mean by it and to be honest, it was exhausting.

I was constantly wondering if he liked me too, constantly, constantly, constantly. But myself and the girls were trying to figure it out, and how do you even know if a fella likes you? Are there secret signs we don’t know about? Anyways for the mean time please stop holding my face when you’re kissing me, it’s fucking confusing me. I was always afraid of being too clingy, and thought that even if he liked me I was just going to put him off. It had gotten to the stage where I couldn’t even relax and be myself.

It was when the drunk texxxxting started, and abruptly ended, that I realised I was in too deep and needed to stop it. Luckily, I hadn’t said anything bad because I’d conked before the poor fella had the chance to reply, and thank God. That’s what scares me, the fear of the unknown. Like God only knows what I’d have said to him if he’d been awake. The cat would be out of the bag anyways.

What’s annoying is that I did everything backwards, like I do with all things in my life. It happened out of the blue when I had absolutely NO intentions of getting into a relationship, and I then realised “Oh shit, maybe I do want a relationship”. Yep, talk about eating my words. Brilliant.

So basically, my emotions were all over the place and I just had to call a halt to the whole thing. Maybe he liked me, maybe he didn’t. I’ll never know because I couldn’t just let things be the way they were, I had to go and overthink everything. So, what did I learn from it? I just have no idea how to deal with liking someone at the moment, it’s exhausting. Maybe I’ll try again in fourth year.

xx