The Secret Life of a Commitmentphobe / Why Do I Need a Boyfriend?

I’m the girl who runs a mile at the very mention of the word feelings. I’m the girl who gets asked, “What happened with you and Jack?” and the response is always the same, “Well he told me he liked me”. I’m the girl who frunningreezes at the thought of settling down with someone. I, Michaela Deane, am a commitmentphobe.

But what’s so bad about that for now? I’m 19 years old, it’s hardly time for me to be thinking up baby names just yet. I was told going into my first year of college that I’d want, and probably need, to be free and single. So I broke up with my boyfriend, and there I had it, the single life. But it all takes a U-turn in second year when suddenly everyone’s like come on, settle down now, it’s time to find a boyfriend.

dontlikeBut why do I need to have a boyfriend so badly? And why is it so wrong for me not to want one at this current moment in time? I spent a good three years of my teenage years in relationships, so I think I’m entitled to a little alone time. People are shocked and appalled when I sigh at the mention of a potential relationship, but why is it such a big deal? This isn’t 1940, I don’t need a man hanging off my shoulder 24/7.

I’ve been lectured many a time about my unwillingness to get into a relationship. “You’re missing out on so many great opportunities” is always a popular argument. But if I’m willing to let these opportunities slide, then they can’t have been that great in the first place. If I’m letting things run their course and seeing where they go, perfect. If I find someone worth staying with, then I’ll stay with them. If my Prince Charming comes sauntering up to me in Crush some night, then that’s just fabulous, but I’m not on the lookout just yet.sigh

I’ve also been informed that people usually find their future husband in college. It’s a valid point, but I don’t think people realise that when I finish my degree I’ll only be 21. I have no plans of running off and getting married at 22, thanks very much. Maybe I’ll run off and travel to Australia, and find my future husband there instead. Who knows?

Reason #29 that I don’t want a relationship right now is quite simple – I want to focus on myself. It might sound stupid but my education is really important to me, and right now I have one aim and that’s doing the best that I can in college. Nothing wrong with being a bit of a nerd, for the time being anyways. I’m sure this phase won’t last very long.

feelzAnd as strange as it may seem, I do have feelings of some sort and like any girl, I don’t want them to get hurt. I spent a lot of my early teenage years being a dramatic, hormonal mess about boys and listening to lots of Taylor Swift. I do not want a repeat of that, especially now that I’m having the time of my life in college. I don’t want any boy related drama or disruptions, so it’s easier to steer clear. I’m a very sensitive creature deep down, I swear.

And to conclude, I swear I’m not a man hating extreme feminist. I have lots of friends who are lads, and I don’t see anything wrong with having a bit of fun. But a relationship would be too much for me right now, and it’s okay to want to be single.

I’ve definitely jinxed myself now and will end up getting in a relationship. But sure look, what will be will be.

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Staying Healthy and Losing Weight in College

The thought of going back to college this year filled me with anxiety. Why? The fear of gaining weight. I was afraid that all my hard work over the summer would be undone, and I’d go back to being miserable about my body. College this time last year consisted of endless takeaways, drinking the cheapest and most fattening form of alcohol out there (€4 Aldi wine, would not recommend) and general laziness. But this year I was determined not to fall back into old habits, and I didn’t. I’ve even managed to lose 4lbs this year, bringing my total weight loss to 2 stone. You can see my before and after pictures below, if you dare, you’ve been warned.

One of the main things that’s helped keep my weight down since getting back to college is exercising. Gym membership is the best thing I could have spent my money on, and I actually go this year. I aim to go to the gym three times a week, but sometimes I could go twice and other times I could go four times – depending on my enthusiasm and workload. Treadmill, rowing machine, leg press and ab workouts are all things I try to incorporate into my hour in the gym. My excuse last year was that I never had time for the gym, but you can always find some if you look hard enough.

The amount of takeaways I eat has decreased a huge amount this year, and the “group meal” scheme in our house has contributed to that. Me and my housemates take it on turns to make each other dinner, which is usually something healthy. It works out a lot cheaper and means you only end up cooking once a week, so if you and your housemates eat similar types of food I’d definitely recommend it.

I stopped drinking/going out last semester, and it’s something I really regret. It made me a bit of a recluse if I’m honest and it only meant that I had more money to spend on takeaways. I thought it was improving my mental health, but it probably made it worse. Anyways, I don’t do that anymore. I go out twice a week, which is fairly standard for a lot of students in Limerick. Now when I go out, I stick to vodka and a diet mixer. It’s all about being smart about what you drink. I won’t lie, after a few too many I’ll end up buying garlic chips after the nightclub, but sure what harm when you’re up at 9am the next day for the gym?

There are also little changes I’ve made that have improved my diet slightly more. If my housemates are getting pasta carbonara or pizza from the heavenly Italian place beside our house, I’ll buy a panini instead. I eat dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate. I drink unsweetened almond milk or soya milk instead of cow’s milk. I use cinnamon on my porridge instead of sugar. It’s all about making little changes that will lead to a big change in your weight and how you see yourself.

So as you can see, I haven’t made any drastic or horrible changes in my life. I still go out and drink, but I balance it with going to the gym. I still get takeaways, just not as often and I go for a healthier option. You don’t have to completely cut yourself off from the norms of college life, you just have to learn to find a balance.

January 2015                                                                                                     twostoneOctober 2015

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