He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. It all seems like a bit of an ongoing struggle, doesn’t it? We’re constantly wondering if the boy we like, likes us back. It can be a head wrecking few weeks of “Why won’t he text me back?” and “Why did he like her photo on Facebook?” and frankly, I find it a bit exhausting. Which is why I don’t bother with it anymore. I’ve developed a bit of an ice queen aura, and for the time being it’s working quite well for me.
Your first year of college (or your second year of college, as I have found) isn’t exactly an ideal time to let your feelings for people flourish. College is all about being young and wild and free, and the last thing you want is a relationship tying you down. When you get into a relationship with someone, you end up either breaking up with them or marrying them, and the possibility of either of these options are equally as scary to me. When you catch the feels, it’s usually pretty hard to get them to piss off. But as the old saying goes, prevention is better than cure, and avoiding this whole “feeling” craic in the first place can actually be pretty simple.
“I’m not going to get feelings for him”
Go into it with your walls up and stick to your guns, just keep telling yourself that you’re not going to get feelings for this person. If you have this set in your mind from the start it’s easier to stick to, rather than deciding half way through when you’re already pretty fond of this guy or girl. If you feel yourself slipping up, take a little time to remind yourself of all the reasons that you don’t want to be with this person. A personal favourite of mine is, “I could definitely see myself throwing something at him in a nightclub”.
“I’m not coming over”
Avoid spending too much time with this person. Space it out, and do other things you enjoy before meeting up with them. The more time you spend with someone, the more you begin to like them, and that’s not our aim here. Leaving gaps between meeting up gives you the opportunity to meet other people to focus your attention on, which is a win-win situation really. It’s all about balance… Balancing your feelings between multiple people and having each one wonder why you’re so heartless and cold. No, I’m joking. Just don’t get attached.
“I’m not gonna text him”
This is just as bad, if not worse, than spending too much time together. When we’re hiding behind a phone screen we feel ballsy and brave, and we’re not afraid to say what we really think. Hence the “I actually really like you” text, followed by some seriously disheartening I-don’t-want-to-complicate-things type reply. So why bother? Over the phone you can easily wear your heart on your sleeve and feelings are poured out here, there and everywhere. So just don’t bother with it in the first place.
“I’m not looking at his Facebook page”
We all do it, I know, but try not to. It may seem like a harmless bit of nosing around but next thing you know, you’re on the page of Joanna from Louth who’s studying English and History in UCD and wondering why the hell he keeps liking all her profile pictures. Who IS she? Where did he FIND her? And his ex-girlfriend… You’ll be sending your bestie screenshots of her for reassurance that you’re prettier than her, mark my words.
“I’m not telling him anything about me”
He does not need to know your life story. He doesn’t need to know why you and your ex broke up, or your parents’ names, or that you’re allergic to mustard. If you start telling him everything that’s happened to you since the age of five, you’ll find more and more things that you have in common. This leads to more communication, which leads to the “F” word. It’s nice to know their interests, but don’t get into it too much. Work on that mysterious streak.
“I’m not cuddling him”
Probably the most vital rule of all, this one is a must. Affection is wrong in so many ways when it comes to avoiding feelings. Getting close to someone physically means getting close to them emotionally, which is exactly what you don’t want. Don’t do it, it’s not worth it.
I’ll finish this post with a quote from the original ice queen, the one and only Effy Stonem – “The best way to not get your heart broken, is to pretend you don’t have one.” Have fun feeling absolutely nothing towards anyone little chickens.
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