The one thing I’ve learned, and mostly definitely learned the hard way, is that suicide and depression are nothing to joke about. Depression is a serious matter and is becoming incredibly worse in society today.
I know from family history that with any sign of depression at all you were sent straight to a mental institute. No treatment or visitors, just sent away until you were “fixed”. What most people don’t understand is that it’s an illness, a long term one at that. Not something that just springs up in life when you have a bad day. It develops as you age.
I’ve been surrounded with depression and suicide since a very young age. I’ve heard stories of my grandmother who suffered from bipolar disorder and was a manic depressive. Then when it was coming up to my 2nd birthday, my father took his own life as he too suffered with depression for a very long time. At the time he was just sent away, no counselling or call centres were around, and the institute just made him worse. I’ve grown up with a father figure as such but I always wondered how life would be with him. I always wonder if things would be different if he was still around, what life would be like, etc. Although people might think that I’d be different if he was still here, I know for sure that I wouldn’t have my younger sister, baby brother and my stepfather, some people who I am extremely grateful for every day. Things like this are what have made my family stronger. Now at the age of 15, there’s a possibility that my little sister could be bipolar. I still remember the day she told me and the feeling of my heart dropping to my stomach as I soon realised what could come; the dangerous and unpredictable future that lies ahead.
Dealing with mental illness and suicide is very difficult for anyone to go through, believe me. I find it disgraceful how people use it and alter it for their own advantage to get “likes” on Facebook, or a double click on their Instagram picture of their wrists slit for a celebrity, or when their relationship fails. Of course you’d be hurt, that’s natural, but they don’t realise that their family would have to go through being put in my shoes. Being confused, depressed, hurt, and lost at what has happened. Wondering why this person had to go through these lengths to think that this was the only answer. It wasn’t their only answer. Maybe yes if they thought this was how they could get their crush to give them the attention they wanted, or for people to notice them more but it disgusts me that our future generation act in this manner.
Whilst I was in my final years in secondary school I began to research more and more about my father’s illness and I realised that I too have felt and gone through what he has, of course not at the same lengths. It scared me to think that I could be dealing with this illness too. Yes I do have horrible bad days where I don’t even want to leave the bed or eat anything, but every time I even have a small thought of suicide I know that I could never put any other member of my family through it again, especially my mother.
So if you’ve ever dealt with depression or are now dealing with it, I want you to know that you shouldn’t be afraid to tell your family. They’re the ones that are going to be effected the most. They know the people who could help you. Even if you feel that they won’t understand there are counsellors and community group talks that too are only there for your health and support. I hope and pray that suicide won’t be the answer for anyone feeling this way.