Change – there’s been a lot of it going on in my life these past few months. Some positive, some negative, yet change all the same. A lot of this has been uncontrollable, so I decided to make a drastic change to something that I could control. I switched up my hair colour, going from bright, bouncy blonde to deep, dark brown. Now this might not seem like a massive thing to you guys, but something as simple as this motivated me to change some more things in my life, and believe me they badly needed changing.
In my first semester of college I went up two dress sizes, and although I once owned a pair of size 6 jeans I’m now pretty sure that I couldn’t even squeeze them up my arm. This is something that I struggled to deal with, I was used to being all scrawny and fragile looking and wasn’t used to all these “curves” and what not. But making a change to my hair gave me a little bit of my confidence back, and I stopped thinking so negatively of my new figure.
So what if my ankles don’t look like they’re about to snap anymore? So what if my belly isn’t as flat as an ironing board? I spent so long focusing on the parts of my body that I hated, and forgot about the parts that I liked. But why focus on the one or two things you dislike? It’s not like somebody is going to look at you and think “Ah, her legs are quite big… I think I’ll stay away from her.” No, people look at the fuller picture. They look at your face, get to know your personality, and notice all the great things that make you, you.
I was so pre-occupied with looking like everyone else and being as skinny as possible, that it took me a long time to realise that I wasn’t being true to myself anymore. What happened to that girl that was obsessed with piercings and purple lipstick? She seemed to be lost and what was left was her shell. But not anymore. One day I said screw it, I got out of my pyjamas for once and threw on a flowery dress and my doc martens. I put on my makeup, purple lipstick included of course, and I looked at myself in the mirror. I realised that this was the first time in about five months that I actually felt pretty, that I felt like me.
Something as simple as changing the colour of my hair encouraged me to stop focusing on losing weight, and on being society’s idea of beautiful. It encouraged me to love myself the way I am and stop being so negative and punishing myself for not being “perfect”. Finally, I feel like myself again, and although I’ve changed quite a bit physically since the last time I felt like this, I’m back to being true to myself on the inside.
So here’s my lesson for today kids, don’t be afraid to make a small change. It might just pave the way for some bigger and better ones. I stopped trying to change the world, and instead I decided to change myself.
“Life is a journey and it’s about growing and changing and coming to terms with who and what you are, and loving who and what you are.” – Kelly McGillis