“Next thing he spoke and I nearly said I loved him.”

I’ve tried to write this blog post five or six times now, yet still I’m not entirely sure where or how to start. Lately I learned a very harsh life lesson; you never know what tomorrow will bring. The last two weeks have been extremely tough, as many of you know I tragically lost a friend, Brian. It’s been hard to get back to normality, even small things like going to class have been extremely difficult knowing that he should be there, but isn’t.

From my tweets, statuses and pictures, you can probably gather that the journalism gang are a close bunch. Being in such a small course we all know each other pretty well, something that’s rare with college courses. But lately these people have become more than just people I go out with, I’ve discovered that in many of them I have very good friends. We’ve stuck together and helped each other out in these last few weeks, and whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on or even just somebody to take my mind off things with, everyone was there in a heartbeat. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

So you’re probably thinking, where is Michaela going with this post, and what’s with the title? “Next thing he spoke and I nearly said I loved him” is a quote from “A Call”, which is a poem I studied for my leaving cert by Seamus Heaney. It’s a poem about Heaney’s father, and Heaney reflects on a time where he nearly told his father that he loved him, but didn’t. He only begins to think about this after his father’s death, and in the last few weeks I’ve thought about this poem a lot. There’s a lot of things that I wish I’d said to Brian, and now unfortunately I can’t.

But I can’t look back on that negatively. If I keep thinking about the what if’s, the should have’s and shouldn’t have’s it’s going to eat me up inside. What I can do is make a change, we all have the power to say what’s on our minds. From now on I’m going to tell my friends and family how much I love and appreciate them, thank them for all they do for me, and let them know how I’m feeling. Through horrible circumstances, I’ve learned the importance of this, and never will I take anyone just being there for me for granted again.

Such a sudden and tragic death makes us think about all these things, even overthink them. You never know what tomorrow will bring, and I think that shows the importance of living life to the fullest. I’m going to work hard, and make sure that every night I go to sleep happy with what I’ve achieved that day. I’m going to spend as much time as I can with my amazing friends and family, and do all the things that make me happy. I want to learn to play the guitar, skydive, get some more tattoos, a combination of big and little things that in turn will make a positive impact on my life. You only get one shot at life, and you have to make the most of it.

I don’t really know how to end this blog post but I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who’s been there for me in the last two weeks. You have no idea how appreciative I am and how much you’ve all helped, I love you guys to bits. It really is true what they say, the hardest of times reveal the truest of friends. Life is a gift, don’t take it for granted.

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One thought on ““Next thing he spoke and I nearly said I loved him.”

  1. You should hold a ceremony for him. Even if it’s just for yourself or with other people. Go outside or stay in your bedroom, just somewhere quiet and where you can think. Write down everything you want to say. I say bring a candle and burn the paper after you are done. It may seem silly or cheesy but sometimes things like that are actually the best. You will probably still be sad afterwards and that’s okay too, but finding inner peace to say words to a loved one and knowing that in some way they heard you and love you too. ❤ My family did that for my grandma and I have to tell you in someway she was there with all of us that day. 🙂

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